Friday, 3 December 2010

Ghost-trains, tippex and Compulsive Quiz Disorder

When I get anxious, which I can very easily, REALLY easy - like being refused entry into Primark at 6.56pm even though I have FOUR FLIPPIN' MINUTES until if officially closes - I bombard people with questions. Random questions. I've woken people up at 5 am to ask if they're scared of ghost trains, how do space camera's stay still in Space, why don't we have tails, can they test me on all the tube map etc..

I remember having similar compulsive quiz anxieties as a child and getting very frustrated at cartoons - Tom just blew Jerry up so how come a second later Jerry just cut Tom in half? Penfolds eyebrows sit above his head, what happens if somebody steals them?

Last night I woke one of the girls at around 5 am to ask if they were awake.  She wasn't too happy, especially since she was snuggled up in plastic box in hay.

Listing is another sign of anxiety, I can write so many lists I then have to write a list of lists. I remember running a part televised comedy workshop for Spanish TV, a bit like X-factor but for comedy actors rather than (comedy) singers. I was so nervous I spent half the workshop taking them through pre-constructed detailed lists of how the workshop was to be facilitated. 

Same as timetables, I've spent up to eights hours designing the perfect timetable, not for anything in particular, other than living. My chronic timetable making has got the better of me in the past though, during my A levels I spent more time designing my revision timetable than actually revising.

For the above reasons I'm afraid I am a bit of a stationary addict and during my teens whilst my friends were shoplifting tights from C&A and fags from handbags, I was stealing rulers and tippex from my local library.

I guess I'm anxious at the moment, a lot has been happening and my medication remains pretty low (for me). I will go into this in the next post, I need to timetable my list of questions...

Pic - record spines. I have four and a half thousand of these to photograph, all alphabetically and chronologically ordered, and then I am going to make wallpaper.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean. Anxiety...I have been free from this painful affliction for roughly a month now, due to the introduction of lithium, which I daily eulogise the benefits of. Unfortunately my lithium got lost, and just one day without it sent me hurtling back into anxiety TIMES TWENTY. I normally get frustrated with those right-wing machines at Tesco, but even the security guard this morning was at a loss as how to handle this manic woman swearing at the computerised woman and throwing smoothies across the floor. Luckily I was rescued by a passing friend who gently guided me away from the objects of my torment. I took my lithium and had a sleep (those outbursts can make me tired) and I'm okay now.
    It's good to have someone to relate to - bipolar is not just about highs and lows, it's the awful anxiety and the fear and that horrible tetchy frustration and impatience and utter lack of insight when these things are going on. I love lithium. I think everyone should be on it, because I forget that some people actually are sane and aren't governed by their emotions. Lithium rules, yeah.