Monday, 31 January 2011

Michael Jackson Head Sculpturing

I thought I'd better alert you to Drink Shop Do down the Calledonian Road, just incase you want to pursue a career in Michael Jackson head sculpturing and need to get some practice in. It's a lovely tea shop, of vintage attire but do go left down the stairs and not straight on if you need the toilet or you will be in for a shock.

ASDA - The musical

Well done me!

Two reasons, firstly, and it's only taken five years, I have come to realise that by taking medication at night, my days work so much better for me. Mood stabilizers have a tendency to make us drowsy, even on top of the caffeine and other fuels we use to "keep up" and for those of us who "forget" we have a disorder which means we have to take groggy meds for the rest of our lives we can find ourselves beating ourselves up for being "lazy.. uncreative.. boring.. job dodgers.." etc when all we're doing is bathing in our side effects. So, I take my meds at night and I stay awake, alert and yes, at times a little manic during the day. 

A close friend of mine is going through a divorce and his girlfriend has temporarily moved to her sisters and I found myself upsetting him even more by asking rapid, random questions about the dimensions of her sisters house rather than the fact that she has left him, so, I guess there are some small hang-ups to taking the meds at night but every once in a while people will need to meet me half way.

Secondly, these days it's hard to come up with an idea that has never been done before, so I'm going to write "ASDA - The Musical". I can't promise Andrew Lloyd Webber is going to buy it but it's a good start I think.

Friday, 21 January 2011

Feargal Sharkey and Cyanide

I have had Feargal Sharkey in my head for twenty three and a half hours now. Its not that I'm dismissing his talent, I was quite partial to a bit of Sharkey on the dance floor of my school disco - the one's that started at 5.30pm and ended at 8.00pm, it could've been worse, I went to a lunchtime disco once and they didn't even turn the lights off - however I wish there was a pill, other than Cyanide, that wipes a song from your brain. I once had "Happy Birthday" in my head or a whole weekend once. It wasn't even my birthday, or anyone else's, and when it got to the bit in the song where you sing the name it was just a lazy hum, like the battery cut out for a couple of seconds. Somebody once told me that the only way to get a song out of your head is to play it, three times back to back. I am actually going to kill that person. With Cyanide.

Friday, 7 January 2011

Tis the season to be trollied..

Well Christmas came and went but my tree stays up until March (there is apparently no law about taking it down on the twelfth night, but consumer cleaning product pushing and I will not be taken to caught for Carol singing outside my own front door in April either). Apparently the average person eats 7000 calories on Christmas day and stupidly I weighed myself on Christmas day and I'm sure that is considered self harm in the USA. Drinking. Well.. I volunteer in an alcohol centre (a day rehabilitation program not Oddbins) and I know this is the toughest time of the year for many of them. Drinking, or being drunk is something I like to sum up in two contexts. There's necking plonk and getting drunk, and then there's non-plonk related drunk behavior. The latter was one of the concerns that lead to my diagnosis - I hadn't so much as touched plonk in nine months yet I portrayed very drunk behavior, hyper, aggressive, insomnia, wreckless, not turning up for work, sleeping with people (by accident - it's amazing where you can land when you trip up) and then of course the agoraphobic near suicidal hang-over that follows. There were no bar tabs, voddy on tic or raiding drinks cabinets, just an "episode" in a glass.

Happy (yes Happy) new year!

Happy new year! (And not a single cynical or negative phrase in that three word sentence - well done me - coming from someone that booked a course in CBT a few years ago and couldn't do it being so cynical and negative but unconsciously lived my "thinking" life with it ever since). It's been a few weeks since my last post and I've had a bit of a slap on the wrist from my supporters. Truth is, whilst I've been in Berlin and Glasgow (because getting stuck in snowed in Airports is my favorite thing) it's also been Christmas and new year, a time when you start thinking, or over thinking about where the hell the last year went, where the next years going, and whilst it's exciting, it's also f***ing depressing (there - I knew it wouldn't take long). I actually found myself fantasizing about being one of these people whose life is safely written out before them - get up and eat and go to bed at the same time on the dot every day, go to his mums on Mondays, my sisters on Wednesdays, late night shopping at Lakeside on Thursdays, takeaway on Fridays and spend all weekend fixing things in the house - it all sounds so simple and comfortable (like chocolate to the brain) but in reality my routine (or organized chaos as I've been advised to rename it) starts with writing a "to do" list which involves spending twice the time writing it, scanning in, power-pointing it, printing it and repeating the process as actually doing it!

So it's 2011, hurrah! and oh. My new years resolutions are as follows..

1- Get a Tesco's club card
2 - Stop bursting into ballads in public
3 - Be honest (a polite way of saying "Stop lying" in that when people say "Are you ok?" Do not zip up your clown suit and pretend you didn't hear them. Apparently the biggest lie the British tell is "Fine" when asked if they are ok.)
4 - Stop getting over excited about something and never do anything about it
5 - All the above

.. and good luck with yours! xxxx

Gentlemen's Clubs of Mayfair v Community Centers of East London

"Just put things into perspective" Thats what people (think you want to hear) say when you're faced with a problem. I am wondering what it is about finance companies such as creditors, debt creditors that is (bear with me) that call you on CHRISTMAS EVE and tell you you're in the red. Well, following this particular seasons greeting in a tie in a call centre somebody told me to "Put it into perspective" and do you know what? Yes. I can. £1,200 is only the same sum as two bottles of champagne in a gentlemen's club in Mayfair I once worked. It was a spot of prestige and sophistication in the heart of the rich (and married) mens "networking weekend" quarters. It was no East London Community Centre. The way this place worked, was, us girls would sit in the empty club dolled up in frocks, heels, lashes, extensions.. making pot noodles, reading Take A Break and having belching competitions, then a siren sounding similar to the three minute warning would do off and blue flashing light would beam the room and we'd shove everything into the back room, get on the dance floor and do our Kylie moves. This meant gentlemen were on their way, and would pick a girl to sit and drink Champagne with. EXPENSIVE champagne with. And, not only was is boring enough listening to their tales of money, success, boats, golf, properties etc.. we were NOT allowed to drink the Champagne. There were Wet stations throughout the club, the bar, the ladies, behind curtains etc.. and we had to pour our glass of champagne down the sink and refill with sparkling apple juice. Thats a £600 bottle - around £100 a glass, down the sink, and Lidl's sparkling apple in it's place. So, yes, I "put it into perspective" and felt like I'd been cheated twice instead!