Friday, 3 December 2010

Sanity verses Comedy

There are lots of doubts about, and pro's and con's and shall I shan't I's about taking mood stabilizers, especially from those who rely on their highs to get stuff done!! and those who equally rely on their lows to create art, of it's many forms - music, visual, literature... pole dancing, nasa program installation, bible translation... I have met many in Bipolar support groups. Without meds, (or low dose meds) many of us feel that we are at our most creative; the juices don't stop flowing, we get tired but find an energy preserve and just keep going, and producing work we couldn't had we been medicated.

Once upon a time. when I was still funny I was a working on BBC comedy radio show, a six parter, and the show's producer called end of play and asked if I could come up with pretty much an episode's worth of material by the following day (these organised systems are what you pay your TV license for) to which I replied (lied) I'll see what I can do, but just a few hours later I'd have enough material for the whole series, and I woke up the following morning to his email saying something like Hi Kerry, they 're brilliant material, but way too much bad language/bad grammar/bad taste  to which I had no recollection of the content, so checked my sent items and saw the best but too cutting edge work I'd written to date. 

And people who don't understand this condition, like these producers, simply cannot afford to give you a second chance. I lost many commissions going from naught to sixty in a matter of hours.

And it can be boring for others, last night I was at the launch of Rudolf Lindo's exhibition and I interrupted two people who were engrossed in conversation to tell them in speeded up talk my latest (amazing) ideas complete with a slide show on my digital camera and then moved on before they could comment. And left.

But, with the meds, and my usual dose is pretty high, I found myself muted and art wasn't happening, which made me fill empty, unfulfilled, and failing, even at something I could not even start.

I found it hard in my comedy career to keep up  when I took high dose meds, and sadly had to chose between the Sanity and Comedy after I couldn't attend a meeting at Tiger Aspect about a potential sitcom commission because I'd been admitted to a Psychiatric Ward. It was sanity verses comedy and against my will, sanity won.

Pic - The real Lala

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