Monday, 27 June 2011

Lithium and Internet Dating. Oh, and Alison Moyet.

Patience has never been one of my favourite things. To me, waiting rooms are where you get sent to spend your afterlife if you were pretty f*cking out of order in this life. I've been on lithium six weeks now and it's still not "in range" in my blood. This means two things..

Firstly, every seven days now (exactly twelve hours after the last dose) I have a blood test - again, not one of my favourite things, I'd rather stare at a bus timetable with my eyelids held open long enough until I see Alison Moyet in the cluster of numbers - which so far have been negative which means the dose gets increased, and then another blood test and so on, and the so on can go on for months. 

Secondly, I had to come off everything before I started lithium so there is no mood stabiliser, anti-depressant or anti-psychotic propping me up (I'm sneaking a glass of chardonnay into my system whilst no-one's looking). So I am pretty much "empty" at the moment, and this glorious thirty degree British weekend has been a dominos effect of bad luck - had to pack up my Grans house as she has lost the plot and gone into nursing home, tried to talk to my mother about lithium to which she does what she always does.. walk away/change subject/both, my guinea pig has a heart attack and dies in front of me, I missed one of my best friends' hen doo but still ruined it for her because no one told me it was supossed to be a surprise and yes, I shouted out on facebook "can't wait to see you at your hen, later, today" to then of course miss it anyway - also, side effects of lithium combined with the heat are making me feel like I'm going through cold turkey, my moods are swinging like two fat kids on a seesaw and I have a dead animal in an addidas shoe box to transport to the afterlife. 

I'm actually thinking about using the above as my "about me" on an internet dating website profile. 

Pic.. one of a series of my prints in the Core Arts Summer exhibition from Friday 2nd July 2011 

Friday, 24 June 2011

Mixed episodes, Argos and hobnobs

I'm recently experiencing high volumes of mixed episode. Btw.. 

A mixed episode is essentially an episode that simultaneously presents symptoms of both depression and mania. For example, an individual with bipolar disorder (manic depression) may have all the frantic energy of mania, but may also be struggling with the black thoughts of depression 

I'm getting myself over-excited about something that minutes later I can't think of anything worse. Not only is it mentally exhausting for me but it p*sses other people of too because it comes across that I'm indecisive and lose interest in them, which I don't. Example, I get an idea in my head that all my friends should have matching rollerblades and I go on the Argos website and place an order for five (I have to painfully select five friends, this must be what it was like saving lives on the Titanic) pairs of matching rollerblades but by the time I get the purchase confirmation email I'm convinced that a) none of these people actually like me that much anyway, b) one of them will skate in front of a speeding car and die and c) I've caused a mass friction over who got blades and who didn't and have created a social division. Not to mention Im down £224.94. 

I have a love hate relationship with maps, it takes me longer to work out how to get somewhere than get there. Yesterday I spent an hour working out a cycling route that takes only twenty minutes. I was definitely excited about it, and then I definitely wasn't, and didn't go, even though I'd bunked off especially. I paced up and down my lounge and felt compelled to know everything everyone was doing, so I asked friends (not about rollerblades) to tell me what bus they took to work and how long it took. You got stuck in traffic? Where abouts? How long for? I even got the exact details of the last forty eight hours from one friend, from her flight details to how long she waited at traffic lights on the way to the airport.

I managed to slow myself down with half a bottle of plonk and some strong painkillers (do NOT try this at home - I became violently sick - I wasn't aware of any interaction between lithium and codeine) and six back to back episodes of Six Feet Under. I'm at the bit where Brenda finds herself addicted to sex whilst fueling her inspiration to write her book. I find a quiet room and a pack of hobnobs useful but thats just me.

Pic.. One of my stills featured in the Core Arts Summer Exhibition London from July 1st 2011 

My birthday cake

Here's a birthday cake I knitted. It's good for three things..
1. It's very low in fat
2. NOBODY is going to want to share it
3. It's naturally full of fibres

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Are pets aware of bank holidays?

I hate to admit it but I don't actually feel any different other than "clean" in that the old stuff must be out of my blood by now but I can't feel the new stuff in there. I've been put up twice since my last post currently on 500mg but am still doing the following..

Talking shit - Learning that lithium is a metal and used in aircraft I woke my boyfriend up to ask him "What happens if you wake up tomorrow next to an aeroplane?" to which he gave me that knowing look and went back to sleep.

Manic purchasing - Having purchased a roll of wonder-web (men, it's for dressmaking purposes) I came home to find it was the best purchase I've ever made so I went back to the shop and bought every roll they had left in the shop (thirty-two, in theory sixteen packs of two)

Mood swings - Have been swinging more than a piss up in the roaring twenties and as usual it's everyone else's fault.

Highs (Unrealistic thoughts/idolistic fantasies) - I do enjoy these, but only up to the point I remember they're not real. I can't cure cancer, will never be in Eastenders and my pet rodents are not aware of bank holidays.

A doctor said it can take up to two months for lithium to kick in. So I'll give it another five weeks, then if I still feel low I may go buy some cucumbers*

*For dated purposes, there is currently an outbreak of e-coli induced death and cucumbers have been blamed.

Pic - just some of my pet rodents