Well we've just had a heat-wave in London (whoo - hoo!) From my window I could see people heading towards Victoria Park, and smell barbecues, and hear street music (and not just the tinny RnB that slowly kills the car stereo that someone has just nicked but is too young to drive off in - it's on the Hackney The Musical compilation, I'll come back to that). Everything in me was saying "Get out there, it's bloody beautiful!" but I could not for love or money do it. Sounds pathetic, I mean I have fully functioning legs, a tenner and a map - that's all you need for a free afternoon out in London - but my psyche was regressing to a thirteen year old when told to do something you really don't want to do - arms crossed, eye's down, "Not doing it. Don't care, still not doing it". I wish my bouts of argro/social-phobia would sync with the Met office and match weather conditions. Besides, when you don't have human contact for days or weeks on end, you start to rely too much on TV for company and I am starting to compare myself to Big Fat Gypsy Weddings - Why can't I live in a caravan outside a complete strangers house?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has taught me to find a positive in every negative. Unable to leave the flat I am..
a) not going to develop skin cancer
b) not going on a spendathon - yes there is internet shopping but my weakness is household pets, at my worst I had ten rabbits and twelve guinea pigs (eighty eight legs in total, in a flat, no garden)
c) not going for a quick spritzer to come home three days later.
And, more importantly, I have Roy Walker to entertain me for four hours a day, he is on my top five things that keep me sane. The top ten list goes like this (in no particular order)..
Medication - obviously
This blog - it's expressive
Take A Break - stories such as My ex through acid on my chips and the dog ate them but I still love him make me feel grateful for what I have (reasonable ex's and no dogs)
Lists - the only order I have in my life
Roy Walker - he's Roy Walker
My psychiatrist(s) Dr Price and Dr Medcaff - they know their stuff
My partner - he is very patient, and also a patient himself, it helps, normal partners can make you feel even crazier in comparison to them
My rodents - I use up all my maternal responsibilities on them
Core Arts - my day centre/arts centre whatever you want to call it, being around other people with mental health problems means I can turn my outdoor personna off
The odd bottle of plonk - it's plonk.