Without the working structure of a nine to five job, where all I have are lose deadlines for possible articles, surrounded by a wool and fabric explosion, it's easy to get overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time and lately I often find myself closing the laptop, detangling myself, cracking open a bottle of Gin and absorbing myself in True Movies.
I need to be careful here, not only does the lithium exageratte my senses, making me more subseptable to my surroundings (or those on the TV) but the Gin magnifies that, and I need to watch that I don't think I'm in Southern America in the mid nineties, on trial for killing my husband for his hansome life insurance, having given my eight kids up for adoption - all of which were switched at birth - whilst I recover from a fall out of a twenty story window that I was pushed but survived with courage and I dodge the death sentence by seducing the judge whom I also find out is my long lost father. It's a BIG identity crisis to take in.
So I am currently surrounded by half empty diary entries, penciled appointments, possible workshop rentals, and trying to find sctructure out of chaos, amongst everything half finished around me - notes, research, inteview tapes, photo's, knitting, fabric cuts, whilst cooking and singing along to Starship with half my head in rollers and half a glass of g&t.
Somebody told me that people with bipolar find structure difficult. No shit! And I can add that when we finally find it, some of us get overwhelmed and sabotage it, burn food and singe hair.
Give me a customer services job and a dull husband any day.